what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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