a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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