Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
