it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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