i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
