you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
