Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Drake has all the answers
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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