I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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