I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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