I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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