Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
