So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
