I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
