she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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