I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
