Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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