This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
