just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
