16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
