mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
