im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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