hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
