oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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