Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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