Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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