I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize