Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
