I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
