gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
