I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
