Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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