Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
