Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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