This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize