So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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