It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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