We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize