Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
