Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
there is glitter all over my balls
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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