I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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