Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
