like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
