This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
