For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
