Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
