Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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