no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
