Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
