weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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