god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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