Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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