I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you had me at cake vodka
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
