Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize