i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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