so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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