i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
