I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
