if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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