I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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