I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
