Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
