Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
