"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
