She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
