idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
