It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
