OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
handjob tips. give me some.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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